JOKES

Resolving to surprise her husband, an executive's wife stopped by his office. She found him with his secretary sitting in his lap. Without hesitating, he dictated, "...and in conclusion, gentlemen, shortage or no shortage, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair.

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This married couple was sitting in a fine restaurant when the wife looks over at a nearby table and sees a man in a drunken stupor.

The husband asks, "I notice you've been watching that man for some time now. Do you know him?"

"Yes" she replies, "He's my ex-husband, and has been drinking like that since I left him seven years ago."

"That's remarkable" the husband replies, "I wouldn't think anybody could celebrate that long."

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Bob: Don?t be afraid of my dog. You know the old proverb, ?A barking dog never bites.?

Rich: Yes, you know the proverb, and I know the proverb, but does your dog know the proverb?

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Teacher: Today, we're going to talk about the tenses. Now, if I say "I am beautiful," which tense is it?

Student: Obviously it is the past tense.

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"Er... excuse me, would you mind if I sat here beside you?"

She responds in a loud voice : "NO, I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!"

Everyone in the bar turns to stare at them. The young man is surprised, shocked and embarrassed and goes back to his table.

After a few minutes the woman walks over to him smiles, apologizes, and says,"You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations."

The young man responds loudly with, "WHAT DO YOU MEAN THREE THOUSAND RUPEES. THATS TOO MUCH !"

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One day many years ago at a school in South London a teacher said to the class of 5-year-olds,
" I'll give £20 to the child who can tell me who was the most famous man who ever lived."

An Irish boy put his hand up and said, "It was St. Patrick."

The teacher said, "Sorry Alan, that's not correct."

Then a Scottish boy put his hand up and said, "It was St. Andrew."

The teacher replied, "I'm sorry, Hamish, that's not right either.

Finally, a small Indian boy raised his hand and said, "It was Jesus Christ."

The teacher said, "That's absolutely right, Hitesh, come up here and I'll give you the £20."

As the teacher was giving Hitesh his money, she said, "You know, Hitesh, since you're Indian, I was very surprised you said Jesus Christ."

Hitesh replied,"Yes, in my heart I knew it was Lord Krishna, but business is business ! "